Town to have worn High-Crown’d Hats instead of Top-knots.
Then one looking over her Shoulder, and spying me behind her, accosts me after this manner; God save you, honest Master, will you Pledge me?
Ay, Dame,
said I, with all my Heart.
Why then,
says she, here’s a Health to mine A—s, and a Fart for those that owe no Money.
Lord help my poor Masters,
says another, they look as if they had disoblige’d their Wives or their Landladies, and they would not rise, and let them in to Night.
Come, come away, says my Friend, let’s seek another Apartment: These saucy Tongu’d old Whores will tease us to Death. Which unhappy words one of them over-heard; and starting up like a Fury, thus gave her Lungs a Breathing.
You White-liver’d Son of a Fleet-street Bumsitter, begot upon a ChairChair: a light vehicle carried by two men; a sedan. at Noonday, between Ludgate and Temple-Bar. You Puppily off-Spring of a Mangy Nightwalker, who was forc’d to Play the Whore an Hour before she cry’d out,cry’d out: gave birth. to pay the Bawd her Midwife, for bringing you, you Bastard, into the World. Who is it that you call Whore?
Away slunk my Friend and I into another Room, and left them to spend their malignant Spirits by themselves, and were as thankful to Providence we escap’d so imminent a Danger, as if deliver’d from the Rage of so many Wild-Cats. And indeed if their Tallons were as sharp as their Tongues, they need not fear a Combat with all the Beasts of America.
We were now tumbled into Company compos’d of as many sorts of Rakes as you may see Whores at a Buttock-Ball. One in a long Wig and Muff, looking as fretful as a broken Gamester, biting his Nailes as if he was ready to Curse aloud Confound the Dice. Another as dull as if the Grey Mare was the better Horse; and deny’d him Enterance for keeping late
Hours. The next as brisk and lively as if just come of Age, and had got his Means in his own Hands, bought his Time of his Master, and fear’d no colours: But thinking the day too short for his Fortune, resolves the Night shall make amends, by lengthening out his Pleasures.
Up in a Corner sat a couple of brawny Watermen, one Eating Broil’d Red Herrings, and the other Bread and Cheese and Onions, that had a Welch-man Spew’d up his Cous-bobby and Leek-Porridge into a Dutchman’s Close Stool Pan, it could not have produc’d a finer Nose-gay to have Poison’d the Devil.
Then in blunders a Drunken Tar, as great in his Thoughts as an Admiral; and calls to the Boy in the Bar after this manner. You Horse-turdly Spawn of a Fresh-water Lubber, why don’t you hand me a Candle, and induct me to my Cabbin, that I may Belay my self?
As the Boy lights him up Stairs, he stumbles; and Curses, The Devil D—n the Ratlings of these Wooden Shrowds, for I have broke my Shins against ’em, I had rather run up to the Cross Trees of the Main-top-mast in a Storm, than six Rounds of these confounded Land Ladders after the Drinking a Kan of Phlip or a Bowl of Punch.
Next this came in a spruce Blade with a pretended Wife, ask’d what time the Boats went off to Gravesend, they told him about four in the Morning. Alas,
says he, that will be too long to sit up: Can’t my Wife and I have a Bed here?
Yes, yes, Sir, if you please,
reply’d the pious Beldam, God forbid else, we have several couple above in Bed, that wait for the Tide as well as you Sir.
So up they were lighted Post-haste to the Old Trade of Basket-making.
After these Bolted in two Seamen, with a little crooked Fiddler before them, short Pipes in their Mouths, Oaken Truncheons in their Hands, Thrum-Caps upon their Heads, and Canvas Trunks upon their Arses. We had the Good Luck for these to