ed with the confus’d wranglings of a different Society: We ask’d the under Turn-Key the meaning of this promiscuous Noise; who told us, the Prisoners on the Common-side were driving away Sorrow; and making themselves merry with some of their Pastimes: Upon which we made it our choice to be of their Society, and desir’d admittance (accordingly) amongst ’em as a means to pass away the tediousness of the Night with some diversion; and also that we might Judge the better of Confinement, and the hardships of a Prison.
When we first enter’d this Apartment, under the Title of the Kings-Ward, the mixtures of Scents that arose from Mundungus-Tobacco, foul Sweaty Toes, Dirty Shirts, the Sh—t-Tub, stinking Breaths, and uncleanly Carcasses, Poison’d our Nostrils far worse than a Southwark Ditch, a Tanners Yard, or a Tallow-chandlers Melting-Room. The Ill-looking Vermin, with long Rusty Beards swaddled up in Rags, and their heads some cover’d with Thrum Caps, and others thrust into the tops of old Stockings; some quitted their Play they were before engag’d in, and came hovering round us, like so many Canibals, with such devouring Countenances, as if a Man had been but a Morsel with ’em, all crying out Garnish, Garnish
, as a Rabble in an Insurrection, crying Liberty, Liberty
. We were forc’d to submit to their Doctrine of Non-resistance, and comply with their demands, which extended to the Sum of Two Shillings each. Having thus Paid our Initiation Fees, we were bid Welcome into the Kings-Ward, and to all the Priviledges and Immunities thereof. This Ceremony being ended, the Lowsie Assembly of Tatterdemallions, with their fingers in their Necks, return’d to their Sports, and were as merry as so many Beggars in a Barn; some of them form’d a high Court of Justice, by whom a
Criminal was to be Try’d for Cracking his Lice between his Teeth, and Spitting out the Bloody Skins about the Ward, to the great Nusance of the good Subjects of England under Confinement in the Poultry: The Culprit mov’d the Court to allow him Counsel, which was granted; and there happening to be amongst them a Fat Yorkshire Attorney who was committed for foul Practice, and extorting undue Fees, the Offender at the Bar chose him as his Advocate, who indeed was very industrious in the defence of his Client, till a couple of unlucky Rogues, who were privately appointed to manage the Design, came on a sudden, charg’d with their hands-full of Sir-reverence out of the excreting Tub, mix’d up with Soot and Tallow, and as the poor Pleader was gaping to the Court, with abundance of intention, they slap’d it into his Mouth, as Poulterers do Paste when they cram Capons; and what, by the strength of his Jaws he bit off with his Teeth, and would not suffer to be internally apply’d, they anointed his Face with, till they made him stink like a Tom-T—d-Man, and look as Beautiful as a Chimney-Sweeper.
This put the Court, as well as the other Spectators, into an excessive laughter, to see the poor Lawyer Spit, Splutter, Spew, and run about Swearing and Cursing, Raving, and Crying, like a Bedlamite, that had broke his Chains, they having hid the Bucket of water, that he had nothing either to gargle his Mouth, or recover his Face to its Natural Complection: Every Body was glad to escape his fury, by keeping at a distance; none came within reach of his Arms, or the scent of his Breath, which you may be sure stunk as bad as a House of Office, till at last he seizes a Young Fellow, who had no hand in the matter; and blow’d upon him like a Bear upon a Dog, till he had almost poison’d him; and so besmeer’d him with Kisses, that they look’d as like one another in the Face as the two